Your chance to win £1000!  How long did it take to dry out the trail map for this week?  Answers on a post card ….. Well, that’s my excuse for not writing the trash earlier.  The map even pushed the cat off his favourite sleeping position – lying on the kitchen table with his belly and chin pressed against the radiator.  Or is that Wimpey?

Anyway, let’s get on with describing the hash.  This will be quite a challenge unless you can imagine standing in a communal shower with the water full on, all the windows open, and a fan running full speed and blowing spray into your face until it stings.  Got it?

A good crowd gathered in the pub car park.  It was already raining so we wanted to get going but Ringer had an important announcement.  Tinkerbell had chosen to spend her 13^th birthday hashing.  What a star she is.  While Zorro was giving the briefing Poppy decided to leave a deposit in the middle of the car park.  CS bagged it but then posted the bag through Gatecrasher’s car window to try to persuade him to join the circle.  But with reactions like a ninja the bag flew back out.  Serves you right, CS. Sometimes you go a little too far.

The group set off up the road and straight across heading up hill to Churn Knob.  Up again skirt Churn Hill and cross the end of the gallops.  At Chance Farm we turned towards Blewbury Down.  But this meant going up again!  This was a long stretch and the group got a bit strung out.  We turned right and ran parallel to the disused railway line.  If only the 1200 to Blewbury were still running!  At the next junction the front runners hid behind the trees to try to get some shelter from the wind and rain.  The trail went off right and very shortly there was a decision between the short and long trails.  Tinkerbell was really suffering from the cold so decided to head back.  Wimpey was worried as the hares hadn’t walked the short trail (which set off along the side of a field).  He didn’t want to be the only runner on the short trail so continued with the main pack which continued straight on.  Just as the footpath turned right there was a cross on the trail – or was it a 4?  The first runners headed back and Mismatch and Percy were nearly at the bottom of the hill when Zorro got to the mark and pointed the runners straight on along a very muddy path.  They called but Mismatch and Percy were not keen to run back up so found their own way back.  The rest of the hounds carried on to the copse.  By this time Wimpey was walking as his tendonitis had come back.  Epic was cold and decided the trail went straight on and he was going to ignore the re-group.  Lemony was so cold she asked Zorro to point them in the right direction and, like the gentleman he is, he did.  We turned off right, calling Epic back – he had been heading to Upton.  Obviously never a boy scout.

This was the long, long run home.  It was down hill but very muddy.  Gatecrasher slipped over, Wimpey and Scrubber walked but were still only just beaten to the bottom by Ringer.  Lemony waited for them while she struggled to put her gloves back on her frozen hands.  They scaled the style and crossed the road to the footpath on the opposite side.  The heavens really opened then and sheets of water came down.  Zorro had got to the pub with the rest of the pack but came back to check the tail-enders were OK.  We turned right towards the pub and were walking up a stream rather than a road, then down another footpath before coming out in the road beside the pub.

The landlady had kept us a table and I think there were more cups of hot chocolate bought than alcoholic drinks.  The pub didn’t serve chips but we were overrun with cake.  There were delicious chocolate cupcakes to celebrate Tinkerbell’s birthday – complete with candles.  Then Piscine Down produced Epiphany cakes.  Two had stones in and the people who got these would be proclaimed kings and be allowed to choose their queens.  But we had a mystery. Only one stone was found.  Had the other been swallowed?  Would someone discover it later in the day?  Anyway, our one and only king was Epic Fail.  By this time the pub was rather full so there was no room for him to name his queen – or was it that he wouldn’t move away from the roaring fire.  Three chaps were completely blocking the warmth from getting to any of the rest of us and were steaming well.

Ringer thanked the hares for the wonderful trail.  He had an obvious choice for the yellow shirt as there was only one Birthday Girl there.  The Supergirl pants went to Call Girl for avoiding the hash with the excuse that she had to help her sister and the paddle went to Gatecrasher for falling over.

We left the pub reminders of our presence – damp patches on all the chairs.  I hope no late diners came and got more than they bargained for!

On On 

Hares: Zorro and Piscine Down

Hounds: Big Stiffy, Hotlips, Pyro and Whisper, Gatecrasher, Wimpey, Lemony Snicket, Twitcher, Scrubber, CS and Poppy, Comet, Uranus, Percy, Mismatch, Epic, Ringer, Dingaling and Tinkerbell  

Distance: 5.45 miles