The virgin hares gathered us in the car park as the thunder clouds gathered overhead – another typical British summer’s evening.  We set off towards the road as the hailstorm arrived.  Noddy emptied her car boot of umbrellas to keep people dry and lent one to Rubber Sole’s Buddy the design of which included raindrops which changed colour when they got wet!  We crossed the road and ran down Milton Hill.  Some runners tried standing under trees, others imitated Gene Kelly as the rain ran in torrents down both sides of the road.  Lemony had to take her glasses off to see where she was going.  And the flour started to disappear!  Here was the first number sending the front runners to the back of the pack.  Scrumptious was in her element, loving every cold icicle that ran down her neck.  Babs had other worries.  She was supposed to keep in touch with Jon who was arriving late so had tucked her mobile phone in her knickers.  No, this was not the problem.  The problem was that she was going to get soaked through.  So Wimpey suggested emptying out her water bottle and putting it in there – you can take the sailor away from the sea …..   If only Lemony had had a plastic bottle to put her tissues in.  Papier mache at the next check anyone?  The two youngest runners were dashing down the road and the oldies wanted to harness Jack Power – or maybe Will Power would have worked better?

The trail headed away from Milton Heights (shame as we were all planning on standing under Epic Fail’s carport) and back up Steventon Hill.  Luckily some hashers had seen the arrow directing the trail down Steventon High Street as it was rather fainter by the time we reached it.  Crossing carefully at the lights we headed down again.  The next check was a re-group.  The rain had stopped but no-one was cold.  Cato pointed out a rainbow and Hotlips took off her waterproof.  She was so glad she had decided to wear it and wash her hair before she came out to save time later – she was soaked to the skin just like the rest of us.  The re-group was on the left side of the road which made the pack think the trail carried on this way.  But, cunning beyond their years and experience, the trail crossed over again and headed down Pugsden Lane, turned left and came out at Steventon Green.  Babs was still trying to contact Jon but her mobile sounded she was talking from inside a fish tank – yes, she had taken it out of the plastic bottle!  Jon seemed to be refusing to leave his car (in the pub car park), and who would really blame him, but she kept sending him her location.  We ran, very carefully along the rather slippery causeway, down Milton Lane to the main road. A check by the War Memorial sent runners either side of the allotments.  “They won’t be happy” commented Uranus, referring to Babs and others who had taken the left hand path.  But the remainder of the pack were delighted to call them back to the check just to take them up the right hand path.  Not being local they didn’t realise they could just cut through the allotments.  This was where Jon caught us up.  His third run so lots of thoughts on a name already.    To add insult to injury we then cut through the allotments and back onto the Causeway.  We turned left at the end and took Hutch straight past The North Star – some hares are so cruel.  At the level crossing the red lights started to flash.  St Bernard and Wimpey were on the far side with the rest of the pack stuck behind the barrier.  The jokes flew back and forth while we waited for the train.  Everyone waved and the driver waved back and hooted his horn – was Noddy flashing again?  We went right into Castle Street then right again along the footpath beside the track to the other level crossing.  Was anyone brave enough to cross to check or would the barrier come down again?  The trail went off down Church Lane then turned left.  At the stream Uranus loitered at the top of the steps as the runners checked out the trail into the field towards the farm.  Most assumed he was there to call them back as they were sure the trail would go up through the woods, but no.  We went into the field.  The first few saw the fish hook and weren’t sure how to react.  The next few decided it was good to get a large group gathered to cause as much upset as possible so started claiming it was a Hash View.  The church was looking very lovely in the evening light.  The fish hook was noticed and the runners headed back and up into the woods.  We did a loop of Steventon Copse then out into the field.  There was great concern that the trail went through the gate on the right (it always goes that way) as it was a very long way round.  But the hares took us straight up the field and out to the main road.  From here it was On Inn.

I’ve never seen so many naked bodies in the car park as hashers had to change their clothes completely.  Even the underwear was soaked through.  We were back at 8.45pm.  Perfect timing by the hares – despite some of the runbacks being rather washed out (and ignored!) And a perfect trail map for Hash Scribe too.

Zorro took a very large toilet roll outside and wiped down the chairs and tables so we could sit outside – why???  He then lent Pink Panther a blanket to keep him warm.

Lemony and Hotlips tried to attract CS’s attention but he was rather pre-occupied – looking towards Noddy as she placed her drink on the table in a rather low cut top!  He had to take a moment before standing up to join them to discuss names for Jon.

Uptown Girl has been doing her best to swell the numbers each week by bringing first David, and then Paul (our virgin for the evening).  He really enjoyed the evening.  As Hutch pointed out “You must be mad … you’ll fit in fine.”

CS then named Jon. He had had trouble finding us and had been the cause of Babs’ broken phone.  But CS had missed Babs’ naming and assumed it was due to her uncanny resemblance to Barbara Windsor (only joking, please come back again, Babs) so Jon is now known as Albert Square.

On On 

Hares:  Comet and Uranus

Hounds:  Big Stiffy, Hotlips, Rubber Sole’s Buddy, Lemony Snickett, Wimpey, Northern Sole, Rubber Sole, Hutch, CS, Lo Cost, St Bernard, Saltana, Uptown Girl, David, Scrubber, Skidmark, B’Cider, Professional Peach, Noddy, Call Girl, Bat Girl, Chloe, Scrumptious, Tiger Feet, Pink panther, Cato, Babs, Paul and Jon

Date:  7 June 2016

Distance: 4.5 Miles