Remember the music from Jurassic Park?  Thought not.  How about Jaws?  That’s the one “Der Du, Der Du, Der Du” etc.  Keep that thought, you’ll need it later.

We parked on the triangle or anywhere we could find and were setting off for the Wheat Sheaf, or was it the Red Lion?  No-one was sure, not even the hares. But the plus of hanging around in total confusion was that FJB and La Crease had come along for the Circle Up to introduce their new baby boy – Daniel - to us and show off the Didcot Hash shorts and Oxford Hash odd socks that he was sporting.  It was lovely to see them and what a gorgeous baby!

We gathered in the car park for the Red Lion.  It was also great to see Ginger Rocket back after a long absence and Pink Panther and Jack made it as it was so local for them.  What a large crowd.  Was it the weather, the location or the reputations of the hares?

We set off towards the High Street before turning up the little footpath on the left.  At the end of the lane we took the next footpath off to our right and appeared on Church Lane.  Lemony and Ginger Rocket were feeling quite smug as they had found the right way each time.  But this was soon to end!  They followed Jack onto the next footpath only for him to tell us that he never found the right way.  True enough, the trail went left up the road before following the footpath running due north towards Sutton Wick.  Again, Jack went right and was wrong! The trail ran across the road and into a field of rape.  We had had a warning at the briefing about looking after the more vertically challenged among the group and this was why!  The crop was a good 4.5 feet tall.  All you could see at the different check points was grass waving as Jack, Comet and Ginger Rocket set off checking for flour and came back having gone the wrong way!  The rest of us were plodding along the main route and Jack would suddenly appear from nowhere.  He also suffered if he ran too close to a taller member of the group as the branches that caught them at chest height were smacking him in the head.  All we could hear was “ow” pause “ow” pause “ow”.  He’s a bright lad but didn’t work out that leaving a longer gap would save his face from the lashes.  Qualcast was lethal here too, running back and forth past the hashers as usual, but with no passing room, meant he took out a few runners at the knees.  The running to the back was made tricky too because the path was only one person wide.  This lead to an embarrassing coming together for Wimpey and Heather as she turned as he went to push her into the crops!

We reached the other side of the field, eyes and noses streaming and legs itching.  Where was Gnome Alone with that soothing cream he had promised to personally apply? – I think that’s what he said at Circle Up anyway.  The next leg was long, running all the way back to the Drayton Road.  From there we were pointed straight back through the first gate and into the landfill site.  The pools and wild flowers were lovely but the ground was a little squelchy (a taste of things to come). A breather and then off in search of the trail again.  Jack and Will turned right towards Drayton on the No 5 Cycle Route and, would you believe it, they found the On On!  Then they found the Wydcott marking (a no 2) and had to turn round and run to the back of the group!  Do they have no good luck?  Another Wydcott marking sent the next two front runners back.  But we were still  a bit strung out when we reached the road.  Zorro took on the role of Green Cross Code man, ensuring it was safe to cross.  After a while Scrubber and Lemony took a turn then passed the gauntlet to Gnome Alone. 

The footpath on the other side was overgrown so it was slow going.  The nettles were quite high and Scrubber kept nagging Hotlips to run faster so the stings wouldn’t hurt so much (???). We turned left and soon reached the main Drayton to Milton road where Zorro became Mr Lollipop once more as we crossed over.  At the next junction there was confusion.  On was called from the right.  Northern Sole and Lemony followed only to be called back by the hare.  By this time the front runners had disappeared completely, including Jack and Pink Panther!  Northern Sole went to find them while the rest moved on to the next junction and a re-group.  The hares were starting to worry but the lost runners eventually re-appeared.  They had made it all the way to the main road!  The trail went left then – well, it Gatecrasher and Lemony found the flour and called On.  But the path didn’t go anywhere except to a fish hook.  If the runners had known what was coming they would have climbed over the fence and continued on, I think.  But we dutifully followed the trail through some trees.  The ground got muddier … and muddier … until the water was over the top of our shoes.  It was here that St Bernard proved to be the antithesis of his name.  He had gone through the mud bath and was one of the first to the Wydcott marking (a 5 this time).  (Wimpey had used his experience this time to loiter and let 3 runners past him so he didn’t have to turn back.  He took great joy in running back through the water splashing as much as possible.  He drenched Hotlips who could have won a hat-trick of first prizes in the Wet T-Shirt, Wet Shorts and Wet Trainers competitions – closely followed by Comet who had mud on her under shirt and Ginger Rocket who had kept her waterproof tied round her waist! Then St Bernard got to the back, turned round and ran back through again!  This time it was the walkers who had to run for cover.

The trail came out onto the main road and turned right.  We could practically smell the beer when the trail suddenly cut off left past the playground, jumped to the other side of the hedge (why did so many hounds do a complete lap of the field?) and on towards the A34.  How much further??  Up the slope to the bridge and then back towards the houses, through the estate and back to the pub.

A great trail with Call Girl, sorry that should be Crawl Girl, said was the best ever. 

Ringer awarded the Down Down Vest to Comet for advertising to the world that she had been to a Busted concert by putting a selfie on Facebook!  Then came the namings.

Jack was first.  He is the brother is Pink Panther, so this made the link to Inspector Clouseau and on to his trusty assistant Cato, played by Bert Kwouk who had died that day.  So, in honour of Bert, Jack is now Cato.

Next up was Kyron.  Ringer’s weekend had been ruined by his team losing the Scottish FA cup to Hibs.  Who had won the English FAcup?  Oh yes, Manchester United!  Kyron supports the red devils, so he is now Hell Boy.

Finally, was Heather.  She is always after a lift to the hash, using others as a taxi service.  One of Ringer’s favourite programs of all time was League of Gentlemen, so he named Heather Babs.  She is so young she will have to look it up on the Internet!

Eric had been wearing the Supergirl pants – although they were hidden by her jumper.  She complained that they have been stretched by previous recipients and were too big.  She was spoilt for choice  An obvious one was St Bernard who she had always thought was a nice young man, then there was Ringer who was even muddier than St Bernard but she chose Epic for giggling continuously as we went through the mud – see the Facebook video. 

On On 

Hares:  Gnome Alone and Epic Fail

Hounds:  RSB, Hotlips, Big Stiffy, Lemony Snickett, Wimpey, Zorro, Northern Sole, Rubber Sole, Hutch, Eric, Dingaling, Ringer, Tiger Fee, Pink Panther, Jack, Jon, Heather, Ginger Rocket, St Bernard, Call Girl, Bat Girl, Kyron, Comet, Scribbler, Scrubber, I’m Late, Pressganger, Gatecrasher, Uptown Girl, David and Qualcast and FJB, La Crease and Daniel

Date:  24 May 2016

Distance: 4.7 miles