Hutch was keen to get on and pointed us down the road straight away but was called back to teach the newbies the markings.  He came back reluctantly and started with the artwork when Eric’s mobile rang!  Is this the quickest Down Down for Didcot?  Oh no, Epic Fail had already been highlighted as the weaker hasher being unable to make the trail because his legs ached after the London Marathon.  Call Girl made it and brought her daughter who had been inspired by her exploits and wants to start exercising.  Well done, mum! 

Bat Girl’s son, Kyron, came along too and soon showed himself to be a bright lad with the comment “So you just do a circle from the pub”.  The perfect definition of hashing and so much shorter than the explanations on the website.  Could have saved yourself hours, CS. 

Then there were Heather, a newcomer to Didcot, and Alan, a friend of Noddy.  These 4 helped swell the numbers.

The trail started how it meant to go on – DEVIOUS.  We set off back towards the village on the road.  At the first gateway the check was obvious.  People went off in three different directions.  Hotlips and Lemony took the cow field and were lucky to avoid disappearing through the crust on the rather thick, rather large, cowpat that surrounded the cattle feeder.  It took them ages to get back to the road only to see there was an almost invisible footpath on the other side of the road which took the trail round the south edge of the wood and back to towards the pub!  Over already?  Definitely not.  

Heather had already got the hang of it and was a front runner.  She must have had to turn back at nearly all of the Wyccot markings.  Wimpey used his guile to ensure she was ahead of him on a few occasions.  Hutch was very cruel, putting a second number on a long stretch to catch the new leaders of the pack.  There were not many runners to this caught nearly everyone.  

There was plenty of mud, plenty of water, roots that tripped up Northern Sole and then Zorro in the same spot, a trip through a hedge and a distant and close up view of Mr Bean’s new home – and how awful it looks too!  Oh yes, and the cutest batch of multi-coloured piglets ever seen.  Then there was the walk along a sloping mud bank and the sight of Nora Batty checking for the only time, twice down hill on the same path.  Lucky she saw the funny side of it.

There was a new hash marking too – UE – standing for Unstable Erection.  This was a quote from the distant past when Wimpey was referring to the wooden ladder for stalking birds which stood at the side of the woods to try to persuade James not to climb it.   

The bluebells were gorgeous and covered much of the woodland floor.  Perfect timing for this location but not for the trail as it was getting dark by the time we were on the last legs home.  If only we had had more of the younger runners to move us along more quickly or Epic hadn’t been such a wuss! But our hero Hutch was pointing us in the right direction so we made it back to the pub for 9pm. 

Back at the car park Heather was wondering if the curry her partner had made her was in the oven or in the dog and Hotlips and Big Stiffy were itching to get home so the GM decided to delay Hash Words as long as possible.  The rest of us enjoyed the crisps, nuts and pickled eggs!

There was only 1 yellow shirt to give out and so many possible winners:

Northern Sole and Zorro were comparing a bump on the head with a bloody leg after their falls

Eric had answered her mobile during circle up

Wimpey had snuck behind the bushes for a pee just to avoid a run back

Hotlips and Lemony had done a run back but not made it right to the end

Heather for leaving her trainers on the train

Bat Girl for slapping Ringer even though she didn’t have a bat

Ringer for enjoying it

But the lucky recipient is Kyron (are we allowed to give fines to a virgin?) for his comments made in front of the RA “Thank God we didn’t go up that hill” and, when his mum said they couldn’t go into the pub as it was rather late “Thank  God I won’t get the T shirt – oh no!”

On On 

Hare:  Hutch

Hounds:  Professional Peach, RSB, Nora Batty, Rear Admiral, Hotlips, Big Stiffy, Lemony Snickett, Wimpey, Pressganger and Qualcast, Eric, Zorro, Gnome Alone, Noddy, Call Girl, Bat Girl, Chloe, Kyron, Alan and Oscar

Date:  April 2016

Distance: 5 miles (according to the hare but we all think it was a lot further than that)