An Epic Trail had been promised the week before by our hare, Epic Fail.  As it gets dark at c8pm a few of us turned up with torches.  But Epic had decided not to push his luck too far as fewer and fewer people turn up when they see his name on the list!  So he advertised a shorter, daylight hash.  This worked well and a decent crowd turned up in the car park.  B’Cider arrived on her bike.  Very commendable.  She was on time too despite having to negotiate the Milton Park interchange.  (She decided to “just go for it” on the way home and stayed on the road, managing to catch every light on green – brave move but it paid off.)

Just as we left the car park, Zorro drove in.  His excuse is that he works in High Wycombe.  No-one’s fault but his own.  And where was CS?  Man Flu again?  All this eating meat is doing him no good at all.  The trail led out of the pub and across the road and down Milton Hill.  Here we came to the first of a record number of re-groups.  Epic really was worried about upsetting the hounds.  We waited for Zorro.  “That’s him coming now.  No, I’m wrong, who is that?  Wait a minute, Read Admiral is running again.”  It was true, Rear Admiral was dashing up the road, ahead of Eric and Big Stiffy, and, finally, Zorro.  We met at the edge of Milton Heights – safety in numbers after all – and discussed the relocation of our very own Twitcher to within a few hundred yards of Epic’s house.  Could this be a new babysitter for Phoebe and Jake?  I digress. 

The hare wanted us grouped together to make an assault on the multiple pedestrian crossings that constitute the Milton Interchange.  We made it quite safely and with a fresh sense of urgency Zorro checked along Milton High Street and turned immediately onto a track leading off to the left.  Lemony continued on towards the village thinking that the trail went across the fields.  She was quickly called back but advised not to follow the rest of the pack who were close on the heels of Zorro.  The first fish hook.  Lemony, Noddy and Epic waited for some time for the first of the hounds (Buzz) to appear.  Lemony had been on the right trail after all.  So off towards the village we went before turning over the little footbridge and entering a field.  At some point along here Ringer jumped into the stream because he knew there was a river crossing coming at some point in the trail.  No, I didn’t follow the logic either.  We had to pause here to look at the horses and Shetland ponies which were rather beautiful and also rather interested in us.  We think Gatecrasher is a horse whisperer in his spare time – or maybe the ram took a shine to him. Hotlips was very taken with the little ponies.  Northern Soul was not impressed and asked how old she was.  “Not as old as you” was the swift retort from Lemony.

The trial led to the A34.  Ringer set off North and called “On” but found the second fish hook.  The trail went over the footbridge and along the causeway into Steventon.  This is where we came to the river crossing we had been warned about - a small step over the stream that runs along the edge of The Green.  We circumnavigated The Green, ending up c100 yds from the previous check and then crossed the road to go along The Causeway.  Many trails led off into the allotments but the true way was up to the North Star pub where we turned left, crossed the railway and then turned right into the copse.  Everyone paused here for the wonderful Hash View laid on – a perfect sunset – what timing Mr Hare.  On the far side Epic had been kind and took us straight up the side of the field and back down to come out on Abingdon Road.  We ran past the end of Featherbed Lane and there was a collective sigh of relief - this must be the On Inn.  But no.  The hare had found another footpath that led off back to Featherbed Lane!  Luckily he actually took us in the opposite direction towards Milton Hill.  On Inn was written in large letters before the end of the footpath, which totally confused Gatecrasher as there were no further signs and he didn’t recognise where he was.  No change there then.  But the rest of us had our bearings and set off for the pub.  Wimpey and family were particularly fleet of foot as they planned to have a pub meal.  So there were somewhat upset to find that the kitchen was closed for refurbishment!  They tried to hurry up the Hash Words but there was no sympathy for them.  In fact the proceedings went on for ages!  Partly delayed due to Eric having written, but lost, a poem.  Hopefully it will appear again for next week.

There were many contenders for the Yellow Shirt.  Epic for shouting Petrol instead of Hash Car, Zorro for being late, Noddy for looking like a traffic cone in her fluorescent orange top, Big Stiffy for feigning injury, Pressganger for having a hole in her trousers – but the winner was Rear Admiral for attending his first hash of the year and running!  He did request a re-naming to Front Admiral but it doesn’t have the same ring to it.

On On

Hare:  Epic Fail
Hounds:  Wimpey, Buzz, Rubber Sole’s Buddy, Northern Soul, Eric, Professional Peach, Big Stiffy, Hotlips, Lemony Snicket, Pressganger, Gatecrasher, Zorro, Ringer, B’Cider, Noddy and Rear Admiral

Date: 7 April 2015
Distance: 5 miles